His hands on my life -1

This is my personal testimony I need to share to encourage whoever going through such situations or need Real lifetime victory in their situations now!

Our marriage was going through lot of struggles even though it is Heaven intended. It was solely because of me. Even though I'm a believer in Christ, I was progressing my character and renewing my mind like Christ's and there were some on and off situations that sometimes I could overcome and sometimes I had gone overboard and hurted my husband very bad. He is a better soul than me. 

Sometimes I think why God selects bad and foolish people to be His children. I'm the first one to follow Jesus in my family. I'm the worst and weakest person in my whole family. I was talking about my emotional baggages, traumas, anger and everything that followed me. 

Being the first born of the family, I'm the main target for the evil one. My emotional fluctuations were right from my mother's womb, blood line which I learnt recently. Traumas that happened in the womb makes you unstable in many situations of your life. 

Being a Christian, everyone around you expects you to be calm, sweet and adjust everything. But I was really opposite to everything people expect of me. The only person who loves me as it is, is my Jesus. He knows I'm a weakling but He becomes my strength. His love endures everything in and for me. He always looks forward to the day I become like Him and He knows that I'll be too. 

So it seems I was not a true witness for Him because of my character, attitude. But His love makes me do anything for Him, makes me unique and love everyone as He does. Even the evil one was spitting his lies about people around me and made use of my traumas to show good well wishers as bad ones, my marriage life was in turmoil. We have lot of quarrels, fights and that ends up we didn't enjoy life. I really didn't know how to enjoy a marriage life as I had relationship issues and it was hard for  to believe to anyone even my husband. 

In whatever situations, I have learnt to pray. I knew that most of the times, the mistake is done by me. But my solution is always there in front me - My Jesus! He was also going through all these with me. He saw my bad attitudes, evil speeches, thoughts against my life and my husband. In all situations, He never leaves me or forsakes me, instead He is always with me, mending me, refining and making me like Him!

These situations were on and off on first 4 years of our marriage. Soon the Holy Spirit revealed me the lies of the evil one and He taught me that how I was wasting my time and strength in something that's not true. Instead He showed me to live my life. 

I want to tell you this testimony as two parts to show you how much the enemy wants to ruin your marriage life and at the same time when you heed to the voice of the Holy Spirit, you will know what you are really doing instead of living your life. 

The lies of the enemy are always his weapons. And your mind is the battlefield. God is always on your side to help you, deliver you but you have to humble and listen to Him. I really had to do that to live my life happily. And it started happening step by step when I do that. 

When I obeyed the Spirit of the Lord, myself and my husband were doing well. But when I didn't, the quarrels peeked once in a while.

So I was learning and dealing with all these and now knew how to love and live. Let us see what we were expecting and what delayed our blessings in part -2..